I just had a mishap on my meds, and it made me act all types of crazy. I really want to kiss her, but I really want to fuck him... What do I do? Dianne is beautiful, smart, and a bitch, but I love her. And Keith is sexy, smart, and the love of my life, but I also want the intimate relationship back. I may just kiss her to be her first lesbihonest moment. But, I really do want to just to see if I still feel the way I did about her. Keith said he didn't care if I showed my bisexual, and it's about to be all in his face.
So, I trim my bangs, dye my hair blond, and debate on piercing my nose. It shouldn't be that bad. I will walk up to the bank tomorrow, get some cash, and put a hole in my nose. But, who knows? The new look would be nice. I may be a mixed girl, but at least that gives me leeway. It gives me the chance, as being biracial, to be different. It gives me the chance to pull of tons of looks. Long hair, short hair, brown hair, blond hair, red hair, blue hair, any type of hair. Maybe I'll even pierce my tongue??? If only I could show you a picture of me, then I would get your opinion. I am confident in myself. Thank God that I am beginning to realize how beautiful I am.
There's this guy in my life. His name is Keith. I am in love with him, and he doesn't understand. He scares me when he says "he's talked to people" and "been thinking". There have been people that didn't want us together. I have a feeling he is going to never giving me another chance. He means a lot to me. He is my best friend, but he means so much more to me than that. He is the world to me. But, I don't know if me and him being together would be what is best for both of us. He deserves a sweet, caring, confident girl. I can be sweet and caring, but confident is the one I'm working on. But, I hope he figures it out before I fall any more in love with him. I still want to be friends with him, but I doubt that will be able to happen if I fall any harder for him. I just texted him, telling him we need to talk. Wish me luck.
I was sitting here talking to my best friend, and I just realized that we should be grateful for the people we have in our lives while we have them. I lost a very important man in my life five years ago. He wasn't my dad, but he was my father. He built me up, supported me, and loved me. But, now, he is gone. He isn't going to see me walk the stage, graduate college, get married, have kids. But, all I know, is that I am thankful for the ones that are here. My grandmother (his wife), my mom's parents, my dad (who is on the senior side of the age spectrum 50+), and anyone else that is over the age of 45 that is here, are all people that I am thankful are here. I just lost my great grandma not too long ago. I was thankful that she at least saw me finish high school. She doesn't get to see me walk the stage, but that is one thing that I hate. She saw the action, but not the result. But, when you put thought into it, you realize that you are either lucky or stupid not to appreciate these people, and if they have done you wrong, reconcile. You and they only live once. And, if you feel as though you can never forgive them, think twice. Think long and hard before you alienate them, because you never know when you'll need them.
Being a young human being is hard. Having to put other people first is hard. My life has never been easy. Between the parenting fails to the relationship blows, it is never easy. I have had a thing with my family, where it has always been hard to talk to them. It has always been hard to be open with people who are never there. But, now I realize I need them the most. I need them the most after eighteen years. My story has a lot of heartache, happiness, betrayal, and, most of all, hurt. My name is Renee Fawn, and if you want to know I will tell you about my life. From the first memory I have, all the way to every memory that has been drilled into my head after the years between the family, the friends, and the parents. It isn't all good, but not all bad either. Right now, it couldn't be a better time to start telling my story. It couldn't be a better time to let me start writing about anything and everything, my stories and poems. I guess, we can get started.
|